10-03-2016, 08:24 AM
(10-03-2016, 08:00 AM)Odin Wrote:(09-30-2016, 05:03 PM)taramarie Wrote: The outcome would be she would have to rely on her credit cards to eat. She cannot afford food as she is in so much debt. She relies on my money for food. She has a caveat on the house so the more she puts on the cards the less chance she has of being able to pay off her debt and they will take her house away from her. No i stay because i care about my mother.
You NEED to cut her off, Tara. I think at this point you are just enabling her behavior, she seems like one of those people who will have to hit rock bottom before she gets better. It may seem cruel but it is the only way she is going to change. I know given your personality type that doing that will be very hard for you to do, but you need to.
Take the credit cards. If she is using credit cards for food, then she has been using money on other stuff. Get control of her finances.
Buy her food amd cleaning stuff but nothing else (OK, commuting costs to get to work). Make sure that the food is basic stuff -- the sort typical for people on welfare. Maybe put her on a vegetarian diet, which will be less expensive. I don't know if generic brands are available in New Zealand as they are in America. They are not as reliable in quality as the name-brands; I have gotten some cr@ppy stuff as generic merchandise and not bought the same item again. She needs to live like the pauper that she is for a few months. You may need to cut back on shared indulgences, like premium television. Bored? Get out a board game.
Can one learn new stuff in one's late 50s? Sure. It will be tough for her, but she needs to take some adult responsibilities, like budgeting. But when she does that she will be much more competent, and likely more happy. She apparently has some job, and New Zealand is rich enough that nobody working full time should go hungry. New Zealand does not have the sick economy of America in which owners act like plantation owners and managers act like a Soviet-style nomenklatura.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.