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Careers ruined or at risk from accusations of sexual misconduct
#72
(06-27-2018, 12:56 PM)pbrower2a Wrote:
(06-27-2018, 08:00 AM)beechnut79 Wrote:
(06-26-2018, 11:13 AM)pbrower2a Wrote: I had problems with the ladies because I have trouble keeping my eyes focused -- or getting them stuck looking some wrong direction. In my opinion, if my eyes cheat, that is a triviality in contrast to something else. Having Asperger's without a clue gave me trouble getting and holding jobs -- and without a clue about a cause.  

If I were in a culture that arranges marriages, I would be an early and obvious match. But children would be a disaster because of genetic factors. Like attracts alike, and the double dose could mean children damned to institutionalization for severe autism.

I am not an alcoholic, addict, or violent person, and I am definitely not a pervert. Self-righteous? Sure, but I at least have some moral compass. A good income would have made me desirable -- but if we wanted children, it would have been wise for us to adopt.

Your first sentence was often my story as well. I have though always been enthralled by good looking, sharp dressed women. That may have been handed down by my mother, who was a very well-dressed woman in her younger days. (Not so much after turning 50, however). And I had the same difficulty you did in getting and holding jobs as well as getting and holding the interest of women, although I did my share of unloading them as well. I am also an Aspie and until the condition was made public in the late 1990s we had no idea what was holding us back and keeping us from having success.  Today I am more willing to accept the limitations of the condition than I was at that time. I did have to work harder to obtain that available supply of women I mentioned in my last post than I believe the average person does. Seems as if prejudice against the socially awkward is one of the last prejudices that still seems socially acceptable.

I had my idea of what I wanted -- intelligent so that we would be able to hold a conversation, good morals (nobody to ensnare me into some bad situation or who sleeps with anything that moves, and I don't mean a flea that jumped off a family pet), good looks to break the ice... ethnicity probably as a question of culture more than anything else.

Had I been diagnosed with Asperger's in the 1990s I could have still had a good life. The American economic system may still be sexist, classist, and somewhat racist, but it has been sympathetic to handicapped people so long as they don't try to do jobs for which not having the handicap is a bona fide occupational qualification (BFOQ). So I could never qualify for a job as a clerk-typist... but I might be steered into something where I could be showcased as a handicapped person with obvious ability but whose handicap is no detriment to the requirements, formal or informal, of the job.


Quote:Can't help wonder if sooner or later those of us with the condition will finally gain increased social and occupational parity. If I was ever to write an autobiography its title would no doubt be "Ladies' Man Dreams", as I did have a dream of being one who was sought after by a multitude of women. As sheltered as I was growing up I still somehow managed to know that this kind of lifestyle existed. In the beginning, however, I desired the stability of having one primary woman in my life and be married. But I knew all along that I would never have made a good parent to a child. When you say that like attracts like, I wonder if you mean that we might be better attracted to someone who also has this condition or a similar one? I probably won't write the autobiography though as I can't believe there would be any interests outside of a small circle of friends and acquaintances. On another thread I asked whether the very term "Ladies' Man" has now taken on derogatory properties. I fully believe that it has. Somehow I was at least partially able to pull it off back in those less judgmental times yet many of my encounters turned out to be "one and done". Which is another way of saying that it always seemed as if I turned more women off than on.

For some jobs, Asperger's syndrome is practically an occupational asset -- now. Like attracts like? I think you have exactly what I mean. I have heard of successful black-white interracial marriages, the couple is so similar that the difference in melanin is the biggest of all differences, and such shared traits as educational attainment, academic and interests, recreational preferences, religious and moral values, politics, and tastes in music are much the same.

I'm a fan of  classical music nearly to the exclusion of all else, and I like my classical music long, reflective, and either joyous or cathartic. So that alone might make me a tougher match? Or does it make me more of a stereotype?

When it comes to the risk of siring children with extreme autism, it might be better if people wit Asperger's were coached to become... homosexual.  

Quote:Which brings me to another related subject. Do you feel that the stigma against paid companionship will ever disappear? Not all paid companionship has to be sexual, but due to the increasing judgmentalism, unkindness and uptightness in the society, I often wonder if those who seek suitable companionship might end up having to pay for it. And, when do you feel that the PTB will begin to realize that prohibition of sex work (the current PC term for prostitution) has been no more successful that it was with liquor nearly a century ago?


It will be suspect because it will suggest prostitution. In the current conservative mood on sexuality (same-sex marriage accepted for such conservative reasons as law and order and promotion of intact families explaining the exception) I cannot imagine the nationwide legalization of prostitution.

The prohibition of liquor began in a 3T as a war measure, never had the practical support of more than a bare plurality, and was steadily shown over time to do more harm than good. Crackdowns on underage drinking and drunk driving -- and social stigma against pregnant women drinking alcohol (to prevent birth defects including fetal alcohol syndrome) are evident today. Heck, I even have thought of a ditty against boating while drunk (to the tune of What do We Do With a Drunken Boater?)

What do we do with a drunken boater,
What do we do with a drunken boater,
What do we do with a drunken boater,
Here in Indiana.

Put him in the pokey till he's sober,
Put him in the pokey till he's sober,
Put him in the pokey till he's sober,
Here in Indiana.

Passenger or pilot, cops are looking for you!
Passenger or pilot, you will still be busted!
Passenger or pilot, just don't waste your good times!
Here in Indiana.

It's a crime to drink and boat in Indiana!
It's a crime to drink and boat in Indiana!
It's a crime to drink and boat in Indiana!
On our lakes and rivers!

"Indiana" fits the meter well, but I could as easily use "Arizona", "Pennsylvania" or "West Virginia".
 New York, Michigan, or Ohio? Not so well.

Figuring that drunken boating is a contributor to a large share of accidental drownings as well as boating accidents, I can imagine its usefulness.

What do you feel got us into the current conservative mood on sexuality? We obviously though haven't returned to the scarlet letter days, and probably never will.

We probably missed our best chance to move toward sex work legalization during those freer, more swinging times of the 70s and early 80s. But no doubt the reason it didn't become a central issue was that for most it was so easy to get it for free.

And WWI was over by the time liquor prohibition began. It was for the most part a product of the WCTU (Women's Christian Temperance Union), ironically at a time when women didn't have anywhere near the economic and political clout that they do today.
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RE: Careers ruined or at risk from accusations of sexual misconduct - by beechnut79 - 06-28-2018, 10:11 AM

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