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What's going on with you, part II...
Back to sub teaching. Only problem -- I am beginning to notice sleep apnea that causes me to doze off.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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Hoping Eric the Green and anyone else in the northern California area is doing OK.

More than 600 missing in Northern California wildfire

San Francisco has worst air quality in the world due to smoke from wildfires
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(11-16-2018, 09:41 PM)gabrielle Wrote: Hoping Eric the Green and anyone else in the northern California area is doing OK.

More than 600 missing in Northern California wildfire

San Francisco has worst air quality in the world due to smoke from wildfires

Indeed so. Many schools closed. I am OK, but decided to stay indoors today. The fire is almost 200 miles north of me, but the Bay Area is getting most of its smoke. The Camp Fire that destroyed Paradise is now 50% contained. Going slowly.
"I close my eyes, and I can see a better day" -- Justin Bieber

Keep the spirit alive;
Eric M
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I have not been on here for quite some time to get away from the bickering mainly. But also left the 4T secret group on fb also because I do not agree to groups that deliberately separate people although i get the idea of keeping out certain people for sure for obvious reasons. However it makes for dull conversation. What has been happening with me of late i found i do not have a heart condition as doctors told me. I have CPTSD and i experience panic attacks and depression. I will be travelling to Slovakia in a few months to be with my partner who i met in a MBTI group. He also suffers CPTSD from a very similar situation. We are together working on ourselves to heal together. We will be both in therapy and also tantric counselling to overcome years of physical, psychological and sexual damage done to us in our childhood. I have interest from someone who owns an animation studio for my work over there so, things are working out and unwravelling for me in my life and within myself.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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Well, we cut the cable down to the barest basic (where I live I am seventy miles from the broadcast tower, so if we are to get anything at all) to save some money. I'm watching far less broadcast TV, and it is almost entirely PBS. We couldn't get along without the Internet.

Unfortunately, much of the news has to come from Sinclair (a/k/a "Stinking Liar") Broadcasting... At least I am in the range of radio broadcasting from a freer country -- Canada.

Poverty forces hard, often callous choices. I think of all the nastiest regimes in existence, and the one thing they all have in common is that they ensure that the common man is flat broke, bored, and lonely ("Bored, broke, and lonely" -- it certainly sounds like the title of a woe-laden country song, doesn't it?) so that they can think that an exploitative deal is generosity, bored for a lack of choices so that a propaganda rally is exciting, and lonely so that a controlled crowd can be fellowship. That's Nazi Germany, that's Stalin's Soviet Union, that's Apartheid-era South Africa for anyone not white; that's any feudal state; that's Ba'athist Iraq. We're not there yet, but we are headed there if we Americans vote for Trump in 2020.

The dog seems to be showing himself approaching the end; he is going blind from cataracts, and there is nothing I can do about that. With little money I am stranded in the hick town in which I was born, the sort of place I outgrew long ago except for finances. But this is America in 2019, where money is everything, spirit is nothing, and human virtues are reduced to cheap sentimentality. And, yes, Donald Trump is President.

I am in a worse family situation than I was in when I was taking care of my parents. My brother brought his girlfriend here from out of state, and she hates it here. She thinks I am a a malingerer because I seem unable to hold a job. It's Asperger's, and I am looking for ways in which to adapt. Is it any surprise? When I wrote some movie reviews I occasionally panned a really-bad movie with the line "this flick is probably best appreciated drunk, on drugs, or with a low IQ".

Sometimes I think that life for anyone not already rich is a grim contest to determine who can suffer the most for people with great wealth or bureaucratic power but no conscience. For all the nastiness in life, one is expected to give that big, theatrical "Happy to serve you!" smile in most public-contact jobs even if one so hates life that some situations in Dante's Inferno don't seem so bad. Unfortunately, those are only for those who refuse to accept Jesus as Savior. OK, so maybe I would love to listen to music by Copland and Gershwin, listen to lectures on physics from Richard Feynman and on astronomy from Carl Sagan, get to see what Anne Frank and Pavel Ginz are up to, and enjoy some Kabuki theater. Dante tells us that one of the leading figures of political life in that part of Hell is Saladin -- the George Washington of his time. Only problem -- my vices are worse than disbelief.

I must say this: at this point, I am not afraid of death -- only of its agony, and of Hell as a consequence of my sins -- worst of all, wasting my talents.

So far as I understand there is no magic bullet for Asperger's syndrome -- and nobody can philosophize or psychoanalyze his way out of a horrid situation.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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(01-22-2019, 01:44 AM)pbrower2a Wrote: Well, we cut the cable down to the barest basic (where I live I am seventy miles from the broadcast tower, so if we are to get anything at all) to save some money. I'm watching far less broadcast TV, and it is almost entirely PBS. We couldn't get along without the Internet.

Unfortunately, much of the news has to come from Sinclair (a/k/a "Stinking Liar") Broadcasting... At least I am in the range of radio broadcasting from a freer country -- Canada.

Poverty forces hard, often callous choices. I think of all the nastiest regimes in existence, and the one thing they all  have in common is that they ensure that the common man is flat broke, bored, and lonely ("Bored, broke, and lonely" -- it certainly sounds like the title of a woe-laden country song, doesn't it?) so that they can think that an exploitative deal is generosity, bored for a lack of choices so that a propaganda rally is exciting, and lonely so that a controlled crowd can be fellowship. That's Nazi Germany, that's Stalin's Soviet Union, that's Apartheid-era South Africa for anyone not white; that's any feudal state; that's Ba'athist Iraq. We're not there yet, but we are headed there if we Americans vote for Trump in 2020.

The dog seems to be showing himself approaching the end; he is going blind from cataracts, and there is nothing I can do about that. With little money I am stranded in the hick town in which I was born, the  sort of place I outgrew long ago except for finances. But this is America in 2019, where money is everything, spirit is nothing, and human virtues are reduced to cheap sentimentality. And, yes, Donald Trump is President.

I am in a worse family situation than I was in when I was taking care of my parents. My brother brought his girlfriend here from out of state, and she hates it here. She thinks I am a a malingerer because I seem unable to hold a job. It's Asperger's, and I am  looking for ways in which to adapt. Is it any surprise? When  I wrote some movie reviews I occasionally panned a really-bad movie with the line "this flick is probably best appreciated drunk, on drugs, or with a low IQ".

Sometimes I think that life for anyone not already rich is a grim contest to determine who can suffer the most for people with great wealth or bureaucratic power but no conscience. For all the nastiness in life, one is expected to give that big, theatrical "Happy to serve you!" smile in most public-contact jobs even if one so hates life that some situations in Dante's Inferno don't seem so bad. Unfortunately, those are only for those who refuse to accept Jesus as Savior. OK, so maybe I would love to listen to music by Copland  and Gershwin, listen to lectures on physics from Richard Feynman and on astronomy from Carl Sagan, get to see what Anne Frank and Pavel Ginz are up to, and enjoy some Kabuki theater. Dante tells us that one of the leading figures of political life in that part of Hell is Saladin -- the George Washington of his time. Only problem -- my vices are worse than disbelief.

I must say this: at this point, I am not afraid of death -- only of its agony, and of Hell as a consequence of my sins -- worst of all, wasting my talents.      

So far as I understand there is no magic bullet for Asperger's syndrome -- and nobody can philosophize or psychoanalyze his way out of a horrid situation.
So sorry to hear about your poor dog. I had to put my poor cat to sleep only a couple of days ago. Always harsh watching loved ones deteriorate. Unfortunately it was diagnosed she would not survive. Yes it is sad for those who have to struggle. I struggle because yes born in a poor family but also i realize i suffer from cptsd and all that entails which makes life even harder when it is not just financial. It impacts everything. Which you know about from your own situation too. But the ideal wealth is happiness, not money. I think we can agree the pursuit of life is happiness, health and soulful fullfillment. Not cash.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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Hi Taramarie. We've missed you.
Intelligence is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom, but they all play well together.
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It's ironic, isn't it? As our technologies of production become so wondrous that they can meet all middle-class desires of the 1950s (except for real estate) for all,  the right-wingers take over and make their wealth and power the sole concerns of society as they define it. I saw predictions of a world more like The Jetsons than of The Hunger Games.

America's economic elites are no longer entrepreneurial innovators; they have mostly become money-grabbing, exclusive, self-indulgent creeps. A hundred years ago the innovative capitalists had the wisdom to give workers as stake in the system through a broad-based education and a consumer society. Donald Trump represents almost everything wrong with America: racial and religious bigotry, economic elitism, crass vulgarity, cruelty, and contempt for the intellect. Trump is not an entrepreneur; he is simply a profiteer who would sell out everything so long as he gets his cut. He has a morality closer to that of John Gotti than to Bill Gates.

If there is any reliable lesson in history, it is that bad leaders get bad results, whether with a cult leader like Charles Manson with a tiny clique or a syphilis-ravaged national leader like Lenin or Hitler.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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(01-22-2019, 01:32 PM)David Horn Wrote: Hi Taramarie.  We've missed you.

Hey hope you all have been well. Fighting the good fight over here with endless debates I see. Hope people have been on their best behaviour. Lol. Big Grin
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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I am getting over the worst upper-respiratory infection ever -- a double-whammy of strep and the flu. I had pain in seemingly every muscle in my body. I have a five-day supply of antibiotics for the flu and a ten-day supply for the strep. Apparently you do overkill on strep, a dangerous illness.

The muscle pains are in recession.

Here in Michigan we are preparing for -40 (it is the same in degrees Fahrenheit or Celsius) wind chills .
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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(01-30-2019, 12:00 AM)pbrower2a Wrote: I am getting over the worst upper-respiratory infection ever -- a double-whammy of strep and the flu. I had pain in seemingly every muscle in my body. I have a five-day supply of antibiotics for the flu and a ten-day supply for the strep. Apparently you do overkill on strep, a dangerous illness.

The muscle pains are in recession.

Here in Michigan we are preparing for -40 (it is the same in degrees Fahrenheit or Celsius) wind chills .

Sorry to hear you are so ill. I know that feeling and it is worse when you suffer acute asthma like myself. Try keep yourself warm, dont need pneumonia on top of it ae. I also am trying to battle several infections all at once. Keep us updated on how you are ok? Hope for a speedy recovery for you.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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Totally amused. Was just called a commie and a Brit propagandist from an American. Americans sure get riled up when aren't kiss arsed.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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And you know why its funny? I'm not from England nor a commie. At all. Americans crack me up.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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(01-30-2019, 12:03 AM)taramarie Wrote:
(01-30-2019, 12:00 AM)pbrower2a Wrote: I am getting over the worst upper-respiratory infection ever -- a double-whammy of strep and the flu. I had pain in seemingly every muscle in my body. I have a five-day supply of antibiotics for the flu and a ten-day supply for the strep. Apparently you do overkill on strep, a dangerous illness.

The muscle pains are in recession.

Here in Michigan we are preparing for -40 (it is the same in degrees Fahrenheit or Celsius) wind chills .

Sorry to hear you are so ill. I know that feeling and it is worse when you suffer acute asthma like myself. Try keep yourself warm, dont need pneumonia on top of it ae. I also am trying to battle several infections all at once. Keep us updated on how you are ok? Hope for a speedy recovery for you.

Well, I got over the combined infections. I am surprised that I do not yet qualify for the pneumonia vaccine; as I get older, every upper-respiratory infection seems to get worse, and I can  almost predict that should I die without human or natural violence, that pneumonia will be on my death certificate.

I am going for vocational rehab. As I find out, I will need to relocate to some other place, likely 60 miles (100 kilometers) farther away just to find  work that isn't extremely-repetitive farm or factory work or the sort of retail work in which I am likely to brood.  The state wants me off the pittance of unemployment and back in the consumer economy...

Life in rural America can be deathly boring.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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My Dad passed away today. Somewhat of a shock, but not much-he was 94 years old.

The shock has, oddly enough, a somewhat surreal quality.

I am now an orphan. My mother passed away September 2016. My aunts and uncles are going rapidly too.
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(03-23-2019, 06:51 PM)Tim Randal Walker Wrote: My Dad passed away today.  He was 94 years old.

I am now an orphan.  My mother passed away Sept. '16.

My aunts and uncles are going rapidly too.

I can only imagine how rough that is, especially if you developed a strong bond. Unless he was a monster, you surely developed a bond. You seem like the sort to bond well with others.

My parents were not models of easy-going modernity, and I had thought that I would get out from under their thumbs. I find that they are in my dreams more often than is comfortable. I keep thinking of what they would do.

What's so terrible about being 63? One is expected to be a repository of sage advice, and even with a high IQ and all sorts of learning one can feel inadequate.

When my father was in rehab for a broken hip (he got over the broken hip, but he went senile) I asked him what he most wanted to see.

The Masters (golf tournament). It was spring, and I figured that he would be ready to go on a long road trip to a part of the country in which I had never been. He could no longer play golf, but he could appreciate the beauty of the game. But that seemed reasonable enough. We would get to see the Great Smokies, and maybe Shenandoah together and perhaps take some side trips. You probably heard the story -- he became violent and abusive, and obviously unmanageable and unpresentable.

Remember the best and forget the worst? That asks for way too much.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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Now that I have gotten past the initial shock of my Dad's passing, I have begun to sense a void.

In terms of family generations.....

During the first 62 years of my life, there was always at least one older generation. At this point that is only just barely the case. Of my few remaining aunts/uncles, one uncle on my mother's side of family might last another decade-he was the baby of the family.

For my siblings, cousins, and me, soon there will be no older generation.
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(03-25-2019, 08:40 PM)Tim Randal Walker Wrote: Now that I have gotten past the initial shock of my Dad's passing, I have begun to sense a void.

In terms of family generations.....

During the first 62 years of my life, there was always at least one older generation.  At this point that is only just barely the case.  Of my few remaining aunts/uncles, one uncle on my mother's side of family might last another decade-he was the baby of the family.

For my siblings, cousins, and me, soon there will be no older generation.

There are always regrets for me of things that we might have done together but didn't -- had I been more persuasive. That is one time in which some of us encounter anew how imperfect we are.

I hope that I get the opportunity to share life with someone who appreciates what I have to offer. I live only 150 miles away -- and I have never heard a live concert of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. That is still on my bucket list. I was in Chicago on a day that Alfred Brendel was playing the last three piano sonatas of Beethoven -- magnificent works played by a pianist who got the nuances with his analytical style. And I could really kick myself for not seeing Red Skelton when he was in Kalamazoo.

(But at least I had what by many opinions is the best beer in the world. It has a distinctive nutty flavor).

Nobody's wisdom is perfect. And this is not about buying into some growth stock when it was a penny stock and seeing an investment of $75 become 750 grand just before I sold out of it in the summer of 2007, or getting in on the ground floor of a company that put my life in the economic stratosphere.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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(03-23-2019, 06:51 PM)Tim Randal Walker Wrote: My Dad passed away today.  Somewhat of a shock, but not much-he was 94 years old.

The shock has, oddly enough, a somewhat surreal quality.

I am now an orphan.  My mother passed away September 2016.  My aunts and uncles are going rapidly too.

Very sorry for your loss.
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(03-25-2019, 08:40 PM)Tim Randal Walker Wrote: Now that I have gotten past the initial shock of my Dad's passing, I have begun to sense a void.

In terms of family generations.....

During the first 62 years of my life, there was always at least one older generation.  At this point that is only just barely the case.  Of my few remaining aunts/uncles, one uncle on my mother's side of family might last another decade-he was the baby of the family.

For my siblings, cousins, and me, soon there will be no older generation.

This is what Strauss & Howe predicted for the Boomers...
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