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What's going on with you, part II...
(07-19-2019, 06:58 AM)pbrower2a Wrote:
(07-19-2019, 12:59 AM)taramarie Wrote: How are you going pbrower? Been very worried about you.

It has been rough. I am finding that others care about me even if I am in a situation from which I cannot really extricate myself.

Maybe I was wrong to expose my dog to my doomed parents on the last days of their lives. I figured, though, that the dog had every right to know how its loved ones were faring. That dog also experienced how I grieved. Maybe he wanted to spare me...Dogs read us well, seeming to know us in ways that we do not know ourselves.


Unless he has been taken in by now, he surely dies today if he has not yet. The heat index in this area is about to reach 110F (45C) today for the first time in many years due to a combination of temperature and humidity. My home is on the margin of where one can live without air conditioning, and global warming has been slow to hit here. But when it does, we will have milder winters but hotter summers.

I made a mistake in letting the dog out onto the front lawn to do his dirty work. He acted in apparent urgency. I suspected that the end was coming. He was old, and he was full of warts and had some tumors. I had planned to give him a bath to get the stink off -- and it was a new, sickening stench. Maybe it came from inside him. His senses were weakening, he was eating less, and he was losing weight. He likely had cancer.

I am in many ways a misfit in my community. The job opportunities are low-end economically: farm labor and precarious factory work, and roadside services. Most of the work needs nothing more than a high-school diploma that shows more that one is not a rebel than that one has more than a dull-normal intellect. (You do not want to hire a high-school drop-out, but you can hire someone in high school to do fast-food work or do housekeeping in a motel). The secret of happiness is either stupidity or being rich.

I go through the expressions of hope, but I probably need a dog to keep me from going off the deep end. The local dogs have me figured out: you can't fool them. They knew that dog, too.

By the way -- how did the surgery go?
I can tell you loved that dog very dearly and this is something I truly understand. My cats are most of my family because I don't have much family left. Mainly just my mother. Everyone else has either become distant, are overseas and don't keep in contact or are dead. It got to my older uncle who killed himself a year ago so it is that bad. So I truly understand in this way how much a furball means to you. Sometimes things like this happen where they just go disappear somewhere. It is a common thing. One of my cats did this also. She disappeared so I understand the desperation of wishing to know where the furball has gone and the devastation from that as there is no true closure. Just know im here if you need to vent out ok? I feel you on this. Perhaps with time find a dog that needs a loving home. You rescue a lovely dog and the dog will rescue you. Ah yes I know all too well the smell of cancer on a furball. I have had this a few times. Its a devastating way to watch them go. Had this with furballs and my grandmother. He had a full life and was loved. He had a great life and I believe he probably has gone to pass away somewhere alone. It does happen. As for the secret of happiness that is true to a point it really is but for me I am picking another path from those options. I found it when my partner came to visit me in my country. 


As for the surgery it went very well. They gave me nerve blockers, a pill to sedate me and paracetamol tablets. Then a lady held my hand as I fell to sleep from the gas and then I woke up. I was well attended to and well looked after. I had an ice block for the dryness in my mouth, they warmed me up as the anaesthetic made me shivering cold, they fed me and had put a cast on me. This is through ACC so that means it is covered and im not lumped with a massive debt after this. They also gave me better crutches for me to borrow which was lovely. I was treated so well there. Now I have to stay off the ankle for some time to recover. I am in a lot of pain but it will subside and because I have my ligaments again, ill be able to walk again with ease. Thank you for asking.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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This Friday I can be putting my foot on the ground and lightly walking on it after a month off it. I am REALLY looking forward to getting back to learning to walk again with my newly reattached ligaments.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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Congrats taramarie!
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(08-13-2019, 08:58 PM)taramarie Wrote: This Friday I can be putting my foot on the ground and lightly walking on it after a month off it. I am REALLY looking forward to getting back to learning to walk again with my newly reattached ligaments.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Intelligence is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom, but they all play well together.
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First day walking a month after surgery I realize my leg and ankle have deteriorated in strength. I nearly collapsed a few times. Good thing I have the moon boot and crutches to keep me from falling. The whole leg and ankle is very wobbly and weak. It cant support my weight as of yet. Painful if I put too much weight on it, but it is nice to be walking, even if very lightly and slowly at grandma speed, but its nice. It is less exhausting on my body than it was keeping off the ankle when I want to get anywhere. I have to keep reminding myself to walk as my body auto wants to put the foot up. Force of habit now. Was not too bad today except for the occasional pain in my calf muscle, achilles which I feel has deteriorated also, and my ankle occasionally hurting. All in all I am very happy to be walking again.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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(08-16-2019, 12:47 AM)taramarie Wrote: First day walking a month after surgery I realize my leg and ankle have deteriorated in strength. I nearly collapsed a few times. Good thing I have the moon boot and crutches to keep me from falling. The whole leg and ankle is very wobbly and weak. It cant support my weight as of yet. Painful if I put too much weight on it, but it is nice to be walking, even if very lightly and slowly at grandma speed, but its nice. It is less exhausting on my body than it was keeping off the ankle when I want to get anywhere. I have to keep reminding myself to walk as my body auto wants to put the foot up. Force of habit now. Was not too bad today except for the occasional pain in my calf muscle, achilles which I feel has deteriorated also, and my ankle occasionally hurting. All in all I am very happy to be walking again.

Rehab is always painful, but this seems to be a good start.  Keep it up!
Intelligence is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom, but they all play well together.
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(08-16-2019, 09:28 AM)David Horn Wrote:
(08-16-2019, 12:47 AM)taramarie Wrote: First day walking a month after surgery I realize my leg and ankle have deteriorated in strength. I nearly collapsed a few times. Good thing I have the moon boot and crutches to keep me from falling. The whole leg and ankle is very wobbly and weak. It cant support my weight as of yet. Painful if I put too much weight on it, but it is nice to be walking, even if very lightly and slowly at grandma speed, but its nice. It is less exhausting on my body than it was keeping off the ankle when I want to get anywhere. I have to keep reminding myself to walk as my body auto wants to put the foot up. Force of habit now. Was not too bad today except for the occasional pain in my calf muscle, achilles which I feel has deteriorated also, and my ankle occasionally hurting. All in all I am very happy to be walking again.

Rehab is always painful, but this seems to be a good start.  Keep it up!
I see so this level of pain is normal? Feels like a knife going through the ankle when exercising. Which well, did happen given it was surgery to reattach ligaments together to the bone. Hopefully that pain lessens with time. But yup I can manage my energy levels a bit better now I am using both legs. Will do with keeping it up. Has to get easier with time.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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(08-16-2019, 04:51 PM)taramarie Wrote:
(08-16-2019, 09:28 AM)David Horn Wrote:
(08-16-2019, 12:47 AM)taramarie Wrote: First day walking a month after surgery I realize my leg and ankle have deteriorated in strength. I nearly collapsed a few times. Good thing I have the moon boot and crutches to keep me from falling. The whole leg and ankle is very wobbly and weak. It cant support my weight as of yet. Painful if I put too much weight on it, but it is nice to be walking, even if very lightly and slowly at grandma speed, but its nice. It is less exhausting on my body than it was keeping off the ankle when I want to get anywhere. I have to keep reminding myself to walk as my body auto wants to put the foot up. Force of habit now. Was not too bad today except for the occasional pain in my calf muscle, achilles which I feel has deteriorated also, and my ankle occasionally hurting. All in all I am very happy to be walking again.

Rehab is always painful, but this seems to be a good start.  Keep it up!

I see so this level of pain is normal? Feels like a knife going through the ankle when exercising. Which well, did happen given it was surgery to reattach ligaments together to the bone. Hopefully that pain lessens with time. But yup I can manage my energy levels a bit better now I am using both legs. Will do with keeping it up. Has to get easier with time.

I've done rehab on a much smaller scale, and that hurt.  I'm not sure how much pain you're feeling, whether your doctor is supplying an inadequate amount of pain killers, or anything else, frankly.  I'm thousands of miles away.  But some pain is inevitable,
Intelligence is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom, but they all play well together.
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(08-17-2019, 06:52 AM)David Horn Wrote:
(08-16-2019, 04:51 PM)taramarie Wrote:
(08-16-2019, 09:28 AM)David Horn Wrote:
(08-16-2019, 12:47 AM)taramarie Wrote: First day walking a month after surgery I realize my leg and ankle have deteriorated in strength. I nearly collapsed a few times. Good thing I have the moon boot and crutches to keep me from falling. The whole leg and ankle is very wobbly and weak. It cant support my weight as of yet. Painful if I put too much weight on it, but it is nice to be walking, even if very lightly and slowly at grandma speed, but its nice. It is less exhausting on my body than it was keeping off the ankle when I want to get anywhere. I have to keep reminding myself to walk as my body auto wants to put the foot up. Force of habit now. Was not too bad today except for the occasional pain in my calf muscle, achilles which I feel has deteriorated also, and my ankle occasionally hurting. All in all I am very happy to be walking again.

Rehab is always painful, but this seems to be a good start.  Keep it up!

I see so this level of pain is normal? Feels like a knife going through the ankle when exercising. Which well, did happen given it was surgery to reattach ligaments together to the bone. Hopefully that pain lessens with time. But yup I can manage my energy levels a bit better now I am using both legs. Will do with keeping it up. Has to get easier with time.

I've done rehab on a much smaller scale, and that hurt.  I'm not sure how much pain you're feeling, whether your doctor is supplying an inadequate amount of pain killers, or anything else, frankly.  I'm thousands of miles away.  But some pain is inevitable,
I have been given strong pain medication but only take it when absolutely necessary as I do not like taking those pills. When my ankle isn't killing me, the achilles and the calf muscle is killing me. It is very bad but not constant. So I just hope recovery will be quick as the calf muscle is the absolute worst. Even more than the ankle at times. I read this can take 6 months to a whole year to heal from this sort of surgery.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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Update: just went to see my surgeon and he was so impressed with my recovery he said probably within a couple of weeks of physio I will be well on the way to full recovery. He gives it another month thinking I will be nearly fully healed within a month. Only bad news was there is more swelling than he hoped for but that I have done amazing work on the ankle and should be all good within a month and back on my feet.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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(08-27-2019, 09:54 PM)taramarie Wrote: Update: just went to see my surgeon and he was so impressed with my recovery he said probably within a couple of weeks of physio I will be well on the way to full recovery. He gives it another month thinking I will be nearly fully healed within a month. Only bad news was there is more swelling than he hoped for but that I have done amazing work on the ankle and should be all good within a month and back on my feet.

Wonderful!
Intelligence is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom, but they all play well together.
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rehabilitation for the ankle is HELL! It hurts so much. I am going to go see my doctor to see if I can get some cbd oil to try help ease the pain levels in the ankle as I don't want to be using codeine. It isn't good for me at all.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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(08-29-2019, 03:19 AM)taramarie Wrote: rehabilitation for the ankle is HELL! It hurts so much. I am going to go see my doctor to see if I can get some cbd oil to try help ease the pain levels in the ankle as I don't want to be using codeine. It isn't good for me at all.

The ankle faces so much pressure and is so intricate in design... talk about a vulnerability.
The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist  but instead the people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists -- Hannah Arendt.


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(08-29-2019, 05:47 AM)pbrower2a Wrote:
(08-29-2019, 03:19 AM)taramarie Wrote: rehabilitation for the ankle is HELL! It hurts so much. I am going to go see my doctor to see if I can get some cbd oil to try help ease the pain levels in the ankle as I don't want to be using codeine. It isn't good for me at all.

The ankle faces so much pressure and is so intricate in design... talk about a vulnerability.

Yes it is rather tough relearning to walk on something that takes my weight and right now, hates weight. Good thing I am not overweight but still. It makes doing basic things so much harder.
1984 Apollonian Civic
ISFP - The Artist.






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Still glad to see that you're on the way to recovery, @taramarie.
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