10-26-2018, 07:40 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-26-2018, 07:46 PM by Eric the Green.)
Well, that was an entertaining video. I could wear dorky business suits and geeky glasses and a fake smile and make a video like that too. I admit I have some work to do before I offer it, since after all Galen says I have no sense of humor, but here's where I would start.
Vote red in November! We Republicans are the party of peace and reason. We maintain the peace by asking our fans to knock the crap out of those who disagree with us, while we punch out reporters and send bombs to our opponents. That way we show that we want to make our country great again.
We Republicans provide jobs to you by giving all the breaks to the big rich fat cats. That way all the job creaters can send your factories overseas, replace you the working people with machines, pay you only slave wages while we hog all the profits, and gamble freely with all your money and ruin your economy. Then we can all sit back and let the resulting prosperity just trickle down to us. It's worked every time it's been tried.
We Republicans want you to be safe in your communities. That's why we militarize the police and shoot unarmed young black men on the streets. We provide terrorists and criminals with AR-15s, because the only answer to a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun. That's why you should vote for us to feel safe and secure, knowing that we set up torture chambers abroad, and saw to it that the government could spy on you in case you are a terrorist, just to keep you safe, and make sure America lives up to its ideals.
We believe in making America great again by keeping what made America great in the first place, like the electoral college that was created to keep slave states in the union, and which allows presidents to take office whom the people didn't vote for. We want to preserve the democracy that our original founding fathers had, when only rich old white guys could ever vote. That way, we make our country great again like it was in 1776.
We want to unite our country, reassuring you with appealing words like "constitution and liberty." After all, we have the best words, and the biggest brains. We uphold the "constitution" which says that rights of criminals and terrorists to have guns shall not be infringed, and we protect the "liberty" of free enterprise to abuse and hurt us as much as it wants, and discriminate against gays in the name of religious freedom. We maintain the "freedom" of rich people not to pay their fair share of taxes. That way, we ensure and protect the rights of all, just as Lincoln promised in his emancipation proclamation. We are, after all, the party of compassion for all, and Democrats want to take these precious rights away from you.
We want to bring the country together by accusing the Democrats of things they don't propose, like repealing the 2nd amendment and opening our borders to anyone who wants to come in. We want to denounce people who protest police violence, because after all, the right to protest for right is not what this country is all about, despite what Dr. King said on the night before some racist shot him down. What this country is all about above all is reverence for symbols, rather than realities.
We Republicans believe that when a woman is raped, she should be ignored, and that the man who was bold and confident enough to rape her, should be rewarded by being put on the supreme court. We propose that those who protest against a right-wing court that takes away our right to vote should be called "an angry mob," so we can take away their right to protest.
We believe that the best way to protect our rights against the greedy and powerful, is to tear down the government which our founding document said was set up to protect those rights. We believe that people who stand up for these rights should be called lazy and weak, because people who champion peoples' rights are just victims who want free stuff. Eliminating peoples' rights is the essence of what this country was founded on, after all. It says so right in the Declaration of Independence, doesn't it?
The courts are doing their duty to America if they uphold the right of politicians to choose their voters, and prevent people without a registered address or an ID card or who have a similar name in another state or who make an inexact signature from voting, so that non-existent fraud can be prevented. After all, the president said 3 million illegal immigrants voted in California, so we really, really need to take as many black and hispanic people off the voting rolls as we can, in any way that we can, so that America can be white, uh, great again! And since illegal immigrants are law abiding, productive citizens, it's better for our country if we call them rapists, criminals and drug dealers so we can send them back to their original country to be killed.
After all, since we Republicans know how turning a nation over to predatory capitalists has worked so well wherever it has been tried, we promise to keep it that way by accusing those who want justice of being "socialists."
We promise freedom for the rich to make themselves richer at everyone else's expense. That's how we win over so many old farts to our cause. We object to all this "condescension" just because we replace facts with slogans that arouse hate and fear. After all, we don't want Democrats or the press to get away with telling the truth. Truth and facts are dangerous to freedom for rich people, after all, and it's rich people who create all the jobs and make our country great again by constructing tall buildings for tycoons, raising up walls to keep us safe from the world, and creating huge armies to invade other countries with, all by using borrowed funds that put our nation in hawk to rich people and foreigners. We do this because we believe in self-reliance! We want you to win so much you'll get tired of winning. We want you to be happy by being proud of your nation's ability to pounce on others and commit war crimes, instead of being happy as prosperous and fulfilled individuals. Submit to the overwhelming group spirit at our leader's rallies. That's what makes us a great people.
We object to being called "bullies" just because we pass tax bills that favor the rich without any debate, or even knowing what's in the bill, and force right-wingers onto the supreme court without even hearing from any other candidate. A nation in which we Republicans hog everything is the essence of freedom and democracy!
Vote for us, and we Republicans promise to do all this for you, and more!
Vote red in November! We Republicans are the party of peace and reason. We maintain the peace by asking our fans to knock the crap out of those who disagree with us, while we punch out reporters and send bombs to our opponents. That way we show that we want to make our country great again.
We Republicans provide jobs to you by giving all the breaks to the big rich fat cats. That way all the job creaters can send your factories overseas, replace you the working people with machines, pay you only slave wages while we hog all the profits, and gamble freely with all your money and ruin your economy. Then we can all sit back and let the resulting prosperity just trickle down to us. It's worked every time it's been tried.
We Republicans want you to be safe in your communities. That's why we militarize the police and shoot unarmed young black men on the streets. We provide terrorists and criminals with AR-15s, because the only answer to a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun. That's why you should vote for us to feel safe and secure, knowing that we set up torture chambers abroad, and saw to it that the government could spy on you in case you are a terrorist, just to keep you safe, and make sure America lives up to its ideals.
We believe in making America great again by keeping what made America great in the first place, like the electoral college that was created to keep slave states in the union, and which allows presidents to take office whom the people didn't vote for. We want to preserve the democracy that our original founding fathers had, when only rich old white guys could ever vote. That way, we make our country great again like it was in 1776.
We want to unite our country, reassuring you with appealing words like "constitution and liberty." After all, we have the best words, and the biggest brains. We uphold the "constitution" which says that rights of criminals and terrorists to have guns shall not be infringed, and we protect the "liberty" of free enterprise to abuse and hurt us as much as it wants, and discriminate against gays in the name of religious freedom. We maintain the "freedom" of rich people not to pay their fair share of taxes. That way, we ensure and protect the rights of all, just as Lincoln promised in his emancipation proclamation. We are, after all, the party of compassion for all, and Democrats want to take these precious rights away from you.
We want to bring the country together by accusing the Democrats of things they don't propose, like repealing the 2nd amendment and opening our borders to anyone who wants to come in. We want to denounce people who protest police violence, because after all, the right to protest for right is not what this country is all about, despite what Dr. King said on the night before some racist shot him down. What this country is all about above all is reverence for symbols, rather than realities.
We Republicans believe that when a woman is raped, she should be ignored, and that the man who was bold and confident enough to rape her, should be rewarded by being put on the supreme court. We propose that those who protest against a right-wing court that takes away our right to vote should be called "an angry mob," so we can take away their right to protest.
We believe that the best way to protect our rights against the greedy and powerful, is to tear down the government which our founding document said was set up to protect those rights. We believe that people who stand up for these rights should be called lazy and weak, because people who champion peoples' rights are just victims who want free stuff. Eliminating peoples' rights is the essence of what this country was founded on, after all. It says so right in the Declaration of Independence, doesn't it?
The courts are doing their duty to America if they uphold the right of politicians to choose their voters, and prevent people without a registered address or an ID card or who have a similar name in another state or who make an inexact signature from voting, so that non-existent fraud can be prevented. After all, the president said 3 million illegal immigrants voted in California, so we really, really need to take as many black and hispanic people off the voting rolls as we can, in any way that we can, so that America can be white, uh, great again! And since illegal immigrants are law abiding, productive citizens, it's better for our country if we call them rapists, criminals and drug dealers so we can send them back to their original country to be killed.
After all, since we Republicans know how turning a nation over to predatory capitalists has worked so well wherever it has been tried, we promise to keep it that way by accusing those who want justice of being "socialists."
We promise freedom for the rich to make themselves richer at everyone else's expense. That's how we win over so many old farts to our cause. We object to all this "condescension" just because we replace facts with slogans that arouse hate and fear. After all, we don't want Democrats or the press to get away with telling the truth. Truth and facts are dangerous to freedom for rich people, after all, and it's rich people who create all the jobs and make our country great again by constructing tall buildings for tycoons, raising up walls to keep us safe from the world, and creating huge armies to invade other countries with, all by using borrowed funds that put our nation in hawk to rich people and foreigners. We do this because we believe in self-reliance! We want you to win so much you'll get tired of winning. We want you to be happy by being proud of your nation's ability to pounce on others and commit war crimes, instead of being happy as prosperous and fulfilled individuals. Submit to the overwhelming group spirit at our leader's rallies. That's what makes us a great people.
We object to being called "bullies" just because we pass tax bills that favor the rich without any debate, or even knowing what's in the bill, and force right-wingers onto the supreme court without even hearing from any other candidate. A nation in which we Republicans hog everything is the essence of freedom and democracy!
Vote for us, and we Republicans promise to do all this for you, and more!